How to spot a scene kid
-Dante "The Gift" Pastore

All right here we go. This next subject may piss some people off and if it does,
fabulous. We're doing our jobs in the movement to protect the rest of the world
against fake-asses who have no sense of individuality. We started our mission in
speaking out about the knob swallowers known as the Douche Bag. Now we point our
sights on a race called the Scene Kid. The Scene Kid pisses me off more than a
broken condom. But my hate is nothing compared to the pure fury that burns in
the heart of Dante "The Gift" Pastore. The gift has been 100% raw fucking metal
(or R.F.M.) since the third trimester in his mother’s womb. It’s all he knows.
So you can understand how bad he dislikes the Scene Kid. I'll hand it over to
him for this one. - Cody

What’s up everyone? This is The Gift coming at you. First and foremost it is
going to be very difficult for me to write this because… WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS
HOW MUCH I HATE SCENE KIDS. The Scene Kid is plaguing the country and they need
to be stopped. They are dangerous shit heads and everyone needs to know how to
spot one. So let’s begin with a brief background of the Scene Kid (AKA the
Scenester.)

Historians and scientist alike are not positive of their origin. However;
many professionals think the Scene Kid may have started in the southeastern
region of the United States. The epicenters of the disease are most likely
Atlanta, GA and major cities in Florida such as Tampa, Orlando and Jacksonville.
These areas were prime breeding grounds for a race of feminine dickheads and
lesbian look-alikes because this is where their heroes are from. Bands like
Underoath and Norma Jean are just two of the many bands that gave birth to the
Scenester and the so called “scene” life. But don’t blame those bands. Some of
us at codyrotten.com are fans of these bands and it’s a shame that they have to
be affiliated with the Scenester. My apologies and prayers go out to these bands
and their families.


Now let’s get to the nitty gritty: how to spot Scene cock holsters.

• Scene Kids go to shows. And they call them shows. They're not gigs and they're
  not concerts, they're shows. These assholes will probably look at you funny if
  you call "shows" gigs or concerts. If you get an arrogant-ass smug look from one
  of them then punch him or her in their fucking teeth. The main show that the
  Scene Kid lives for is the Warped Tour. Do not go to this show if you do not
  know how to defend yourself against a Scene Kid, the probability of catching the
  disease is high at the Warped Tour.
  
  
• Scenesters appear to be poor. Their attire doesn’t match and it consists of
  minimal clothing which is always dirty and fucking ugly.
  They can be picked out by their gear. Usually wearing nasty ass gym shorts and
  female-tight nut-loving jeans, or homemade cut off denim shorts with a band tee
  that is vintage looking. I don't know why, but they wear athletic head bands...
  These headbands were made to prevent sweat from entering the eyes of an athlete.
  A Scenester wears one for no reason.
  
  
• Scenester shoes are one of the most important accessories for their shitty
  fashion sense. Male Scenesters wear beat up tennis shoes such as New Balances or
  Adidas. They also wear Van or Draven slip-ons or Saucony Jazz’s. I would highly
  recommend kicking the shit out of a Scene Kid, stealing his shoes and throwin
  them on a telephone wire to let other Scenesters to know that they are not safe
  in that area. Female versions can be seen wearing ballet flat bottoms, (or
  "flats") which I feel degrade their gender worse than Ike Turner. Girls, these
  shoes are ugly. Don’t wear them. It would not surprise me if guys started
  wearing these shoes also. If this happens, expect a codyrotten.com witch hunt to
  try Scenesters for crimes against men everywhere.
  
  
• Scenesters are very protective of their belongings. This is why they keep them
  in small gym bags that they wear on their backs.. We are not sure what they keep
  in them, but inside information has led us to believe they keep replacement head
  bands and band shirts in them.
  
  
• The Scenester has two main sources of communication: The first is a smart phone,
  i.e., a Black Berry, Sidekick, Treo, or i-Phone. The second is the internet.
  They spread their ugly faces on Myspace like the plague.  At the so called shows
  they can be seen checking their Myspaces on their Sidekicks to see if any one
  commented on their photos, or to put up their new favorite Escape The Fate song.
  The phones can also be used to take pictures of themselves in the mirror, or at
  a crazy cock eyed angle that a secondary photographer could never dream of
  getting. These pictures are then put on Myspace, where they proceed to beg for
  attention by selfishly and vainly posting bulletins for other scenester wang-
  touchers to comment on them.
  
  
• The hair of a Scenester varies from one to another but always shares a common
  similarity… they all suck. The hair is usually long, straightened, chopped,
  layered, pointy, sharp, textured, colored, red, blue, green and what ever else
  looks like total fucking hell. If the Scene Kid just can’t cut it with a shitty
  hair do, then they wear a New Era hat with a team that they can’t name a single
  player on. They have no idea what they're representing. These fitted new era
  hats are not plain. They have crazy print and colors and they always leave the
  sticker under the bill of the hat. They cannot curve the bill though, because
  that would risk being ejected from the scene.
  
  
• Accessories that a Scenester will wear to make themselves more popular on the
  internet include the following: Headbands, hair bows, spiked necklaces, gauged
  out ears with plugs, septum or snake bite piercings, eyeliner/guyliner,
  fingernail polish, full sleeve tattoos, (that they will regret in ten years
  after realizing they can’t live of their parents forever and have to get a real
  job) their father's ties, fingerless gloves, a carabiner for their keys to hang
  on a belt loop with a laminated Haste The Day crew pass that was purchased on
  eBay and the list could go on forever.
  
  
• The diet of Scenesters is very important in order for them to maintain their  
  prepubesent bodies. This diet works its way into the body shrinking fat and
  muscle simultaneously to develop the body of a thirteen year old flat chested
  girl. The diet includes all types of energy drinks. The energy drink gives them
  the power to throw their fists in the pit at their favorite show. They can
  hardcore dance one hour for every ounce of energy drink consumed. The solids
  they consume are that of a vegan diet. The vegan diet lets them keep their low
  body fat percentages down in order to look even more like pussies than they
  already would. Although they mainly chew on green leaves they have been spotted
  at 24 hour fast food joints enjoying Big Macs and cramming tacos into the cock
  warmers they call mouths. If you see this, report it to another Scenester so the
  scene leaders can kick their pussy asses out. It's like being expelled from
  Hogwarts. To a Scene Kid, being expelled from the scene is worse than death.  
  The scene is not just there for the skinny dick lovers, but it is also a place
  for low-self-esteem fat kids. Now don’t get fucking mad. I am a fat kid myself
  so I can say this. It’s kind of like black people using the N-word. Listen,
  you're fat. Wear clothes that are made for your body. Small gym shorts and tight
  shirts don’t make being fat any better. You should probably quit eating fast
  food before I report your asses to the scene leaders. And fat Scene Girls…you
  are ugliest people I have ever laid eyes on. You could be pretty if you didn’t
  wear your stupid leg warmers and flat bottom ballet shoes.

I guess I could write a blog the size of the Bible on how much I despise posing
bitch scene kids, but I won't waste that much time on an already dying trend. (I
pray for that every night.) But for civilians who are reading this, please take
it seriously. I have seen so many strong, hopeful kids fall before the wrath of
the scene. Oh, and if you have any problems about this blog the fuck you. I hope
when your ugly wife gives birth to children they grow up to be Scene Kids. Then
you will know hate as I do now.

Peace like geese in the middle east.

- The Gift.

Post Script: All hate mail can be sent to dante@codyrotten.com -- where I
probably won't read it. Unless you send topless pictures of your Scenester
girlfriend.