The Mishap - a fun night of partying turned into pure humiliation.

Keep in mind, I'm fully aware that this is the second story involving
a penis you've read on this website. Whether or not that upsets you,
it's just how the events played out. So please, spare us the comments
about writing too many stories about male privates, we know it's hard
to believe. And Pete and Zeeb sure do too.

The mishap in the story you are about to read happened to a close
friend of mine about two years ago at a gay bar here in Atlanta. To
avoid any legal situations or just flat out embarrassment we'll call
this friend "Pete." I worked with Pete at a popular clothing store you
may have heard of called Abercrombie & Fitch. Working at Abercrombie
had its side effects. These included, but were not limited to;
acquiring a cocky attitude, slight clothing discounts, female and male
admirers and having cool gay managers. Our gay managers opened us up
to a whole new side of partying. Gay clubs. We went to the gay clubs
because they didn't normally card, which was good because the majority
of us were like 19 or so. Despite this, we only went two times. And it
was one of these times that changed Pete's life... forever.

It was late November when Pete, Zeeb, 3 or 4 girls, our 2 managers
and I all piled into our cars and headed to the bar. We'll call this
bar "The Meat Market." Now our managers had told us in advance that
the bar was indeed gay, and that there would indeed be gay people
there, most of which were men. They also told me there would be some
straight women there, and that I'd have a better chance of picking
them up, considering the odds. We arrived at the bar at around 11:00
PM, and had already been pre-gaming so that the gay atmosphere
wouldn't be as alarming. We walked in, and to my surprise there weren't
chest-naked men with leather pants on trying to cop feels on my
wang-chung. It was a pretty normal crowd except for some dudes in
nothing but underwear and angel wings... we tried to avoid them, but
somehow Zeeb ended up getting kissed on the cheek by one while putting
a dollar bill in his briefs. I also happened to get kissed on the cheek, by
a hulking black man with a beard. It felt like someone punched me in
the jaw with a Brillo pad taped across their knuckles. It hurt.
Meanwhile, Pete's getting hammered. He's wandering around talking to
any chicks he can find. He found one that wasn't a chick and I told
him so. Pete didn't like that and continued talking to him so I walked
off. I didn't see Pete after that for the next hour or so, and when I
did, it was from afar.

Here's the scene as I remember it: Pete coming down the stairs
to go to the bathroom, which was located near the front door †-- an
area teeming with people. I started to walk over to him to say hey,
and that's when it happened. The next 30 seconds felt like I was
watching Pete's life, but on TIVO. As Pete reached out toward the
bathroom door it flew open sending him stumbling backward toward the
wall. From behind the door appeared two sweaty gay men "pretzeled" up
together naked -- moving toward Pete... and fast. (This whole part
looked super high speed. As if the gay men were shot out of some sex
cannon together. Which is why the door swung open with such incredible
force.) As the naked man snowball rolled at Pete he covered up his
face and slammed into the wall knocking him to the floor... on his
back. (This is when the Pete TIVO slowed down, as if everyone there
was meant to see what happened next in great detail.) The men tumbled
to the ground still entwined with each other and one landed directly
on top of Pete. The slippery man resembled a large fish flopping
around on a dock as he slid upward on Pete's torso. It was at this
point that Pete lifted his head up and screamed. But no words came out. In
fact, I don't recall hearing a sound at all. It was dead silent. For
some reason the nude man didn't slow down at all, despite the
friction. The angle the gay man was sliding perfectly aligned his
penis with Pete's head, and as he fell forward his johnson slithered
right into Pete's vulnerable mouth. Now, the next 10 to 15 seconds were
something like bedlam. The intruder made no attempt to relocate
his penis, (which was parked inside Pete's mouth) making it that much
more difficult for Pete to free himself from the phallic wrath. When at last he got a grip on the
man's thighs, he pushed him backward and threw up at the same time. Projectile
vomit streamed out of Pete's mouth like a volcanic eruption.
People were screaming and I saw Zeeb crying in the background.
Not knowing exactly what to do, I ran out the door toward the car and
slipped on the icy sidewalk breaking my arm. I lay on the ground
fading in and out of consciousness, still hearing the chaos behind me.
It wasn't long before someone came and picked me up to take me to the hospital
where I would soon meet Pete. After my arm was casted up and it was daylight out, I
walked to Pete's room with the rest of my friends. He was lying there
staring blankly at the wall. I thought I'd lighten the mood. "That
looked like a mouthful Pete. You ok?" I asked. "He can't talk, the
penis tore muscles in his throat and bruised his tongue badly. He'll
be okay though, just all soft foods for a while." Said one of my
managers. I showed Pete my arm thinking it might make him feel better
and we left. He was back home a day later, but never the same. I still
see him from time to time and rumor has it he's almost fully
recovered. After 3 months of voice lessons and speech therapy he
started to regain his pronunciation skills and I hear he can swallow
now without straining. It's a terrible thing to be speared by a penis
and it doesn't happen often, but when it does people's lives change.
I guess there's really no lesson to learn here except that if a
slippery dick is coming at you full speed, close your fucking mouth.

- Cody