The Rise of Deathwish

Whenever the CodyRotten.com assholes go out we are constantly asked, "How did you guys get your nicknames?" we tell them that it's from years of debauchery and total negligence of social norms. However, the one nickname that creates the most confusion and is clouded by the most mystery is Giovanni's. "Deathwish" they call him. Some refuse to say it aloud. Deathwish is more than a nickname. It is a full fledged promise that anyone who dares fuck with him is doing just that; wishing for death. This is a man who cares soley for his own goodwill and would kill an entire orphanage if just one orphan farted in his direction. He bench presses Volkswagons and chews on 2000 lb. test cables. He is the meanest son of a bitch the world has ever known. That's why we call him Deathwish. However, he was not always the manslaughtering heathen we know today. He used to be a fairly nice young man. That is until the incident that callused his soul.  

This is the story of how Giovanni "DEATHWISH" Battista came to power. Deathwish is and always has been a gym dog. He lives to pump pure fucking iron. His body produces steroids by itself. Some folk even say he was conceived in the weight room of an old Italian gym. Anyhow, one day Giovanni was at the gym going through his normal routine. He did his curls and his squats and flexed a little for the middle aged cougars walking around the joint. As he finished up, his long time trainer, role model and all around best friend approached him. His name was Teddy Allen. The two were inseparable. They referred to themselves as Maverick and Goose. Teddy was the reason Giovanni woke up in the morning. Teddy was his hero. "Keep working those glutes Maverick!" Said Teddy as he slapped Giovanni on the ass. (In the world of weight lifting a slap on the ass is the equivalent of a normal person's high five. If you dare disagree Deathwish will find you, bite off your dick and spit it in your mother's face.) "Yo, damn right Teddy. Look at those cheeks. I could crack a Walnut open between these iron sheets." Teddy just smiled agreeingly. The two men finished up their workout and slid into the sauna to cool down. "So you got any plans tonight Teddy?" Giovanni asked. "Nah, I'm prolly just gonna wax my genitals, bleach my anus and then call it a night." Replied Teddy. "Come on bro, it's Friday! We gotta hit the streets and see whats up." Giovanni responded in desperation. "Not tonight Gio. I have not waxed in six weeks. My grundle feels like grizzly bear hide." Giovanni didn't push it anymore because If any one knows how irritating it is to have fur exploding from your nut sack, it's him. "Alright man...but next week we hit the town hard. Promise." Teddy said, "You got it broseph." and they swiftly chest bumped, slapped each others asses and left.  

Later that evening Giovanni got ready to impress Atlanta. He tanned, waxed, did some pushups and put on the tightest shirt he owned -- a vintage 1988 Van Halen concert tee. After he was done getting ready he met up with the rest of us. We all decided to go down to Makos. Makos was a cool place. Hot sluts everywhere swinging from swings etc...It was Babylon at it's finest. We all took ass loads of shots and drank copius amounts of expensive liquors. The hours wore on and with alcohol always comes testosterone driven horniness. The hunt was on. Giovanni found his target sitting at the bar puffing on a long Virginia Slim. When he saw her his heart stopped, floored by her beauty. She was a tall  blonde with a black skunk streak ripping through her hair like the porn stars do it. Huge fake tits and a smoking hot ass. She was also kind of thick...muscular even. But Giovanni liked a thick broad because Italians want a woman who can bare twenty five children if need be. He walked up and offered her a shot of Everclear, which she gladly accepted. They talked for hours. They had the same interests. Both were cocky, both loved to workout, both adored 80's music and movies. She was perfect. She was his soulmate. She had to be.  

The night began to wind down. Dante was drunk and eye-fucking everything and anything with estrogen. Cody's legs could barely support his body from four straight hours of doing The Robot. Josh was no where to be found. We later learned that he hopped in a cab with some bachelorette party headed to the Hilton. Lets just say the bride never made it to the alter. Zeeb was closing one of the eighteen tabs he had open. He set the record that night for purchasing the most Jager Bombs ever, still being able to tell about it the next day. We all had a blast that night but Giovanni was the happiest by far. He was still with his burly blonde headed beauty, sipping on a Miller Lite. Finally last call rolled in. We all headed outside to our stretch Hummer sitting on 37's. All of us but Giovanni. He had decided to go back with his catch. The whole ride to her place was the sloppiest, wettest, dirtiest French kissing ever...the cabby masturbated silently in the drivers seat. Juices were flowing like a damn garden hose. When they arrived at her condo it was on. Gio ripped off his painted on t-shirt and hurled her toward the bed. She removed her shirt and Giovanni jumped right on top of her. He eagerly made his way down her neck to her glorious orb-like breasts. Slowly he slipped down her stomach and into her panties. And all of a sudden every man's worst nightmare came true. He felt a fleshy, rock hard shaft and it wasn't his own. "WHAT THE FUCK?!?!" Giovanni yelled at the top of his lungs. The tranny looked up at him and said, "What's the matter Maverick, don't you like what you see?" The shemale, Giovanni's life partner, was none other than Teddy Allen, or "Half Mast" as he was known in transvestite circles. Giovanni's face was scorched with anger, "How could you do this!? You were like a brother to me! You were the chosen one!" he screamed. Teddy just gave a devilish stare and said nothing. Giovanni snatched up his clothes and headed for the door. Teddy grabbed him by the bicep and yelled, "Where do you think your going motherfucker! You owe me four hundred dollars!" This was Teddy's biggest mistake, (Besides being a post-op body building transexual prostitute.) because no man touches Giovanni. No one. Giovanni turned immediately and punched Teddy right in the face. Teddy flew into the dresser breaking a huge lamp. The prostitute stood up and tackled Giovanni to the floor. As they tussled around on the carpet blood flew everywhere. Teddy's fake tits were flopping left and right. Giovanni kicked and punched. Teddy bit and scratched. It was an even fight. Teddy had taught Giovanni everything he knew. All the bedroom furniture was destroyed. It was a bloodbath. After one hour of the biggest battle since Normandy, Teddy got the upper hand and titty slapped Giovanni to the ground, almost knocking him out. His sight was blurred and his will was broken. Teddy climbed on top of the bed with a broken chair leg that could easily penetrate Giovanni's tough skin. Giovanni looked up at the beautiful man, and with his last bit of strength muttered what he thought were his last words. "How Teddy? You were supposed to be my friend, my brother....my HERO." Teddy looked at him while wiping the blood from his panties and said, "Easy Giovanni, I am a working girl. I have mouths to feed. Your just another bum with deep pockets and a hard dick." It was at that very moment the name Giovanni died. Deathwish was born. Deathwish stood to his feet and held his head high. Teddy flew from the bed like a naked werewolf and thrust the pointed chair leg right for Deathwish's chest. Deathwish ducked, rolled, stood up and snapped that bitch's neck. It was over. He had killed his best friend. From that point on Deathwish has solidified his name as the meanest sucka alive. He has broken more bones than the sport of skateboarding. He has spilled more blood than a menstrual cycle. He cares for no man or woman. If you ever want to go fists to fists then let him know. He lives to kill. He will gladly take the offer. He is not a man. He is a betrayed demon who seeks revenge for his unfortunate night with Teddy. He won't stop destroying until he has found closure. He will never sleep, he will never eat, he will never stop hunting. Who would? After almost going down on your transexual best friend, how long do you think it would take to let the past lie? Watch your back.  

- Dante